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@hecardreadsgood @denofthedead

Laundry Day

It started out as a normal Sunday laundry day. I gathered the week’s worth of dirty clothes and swung open the door from the house to the garage. I flick the light on, take a step and am immediately wrapped up in a damn spider web! Almost like a trip-wire you’d find deep in the heart of the Vietnamese jungle. I shake it off and get down to business. As I’m adding my ALL Small and Mighty to the washing machine, out of the corner of my eye I sense a movement. A spidey sense if you will. I see on the wall the shadow of the handcart that is next to the washer. Just like out of a movie, I see this shadow and accompanying it is the creepy, crawly shadow of the spider slowly moving down it. I only have a bottle of ALL in my hand as a weapon. I slowly turn the handcart to reveal the biggest damn spider I’ve ever seen that wasn’t in some museum showcase! It had a damn squirrel hanging from its mouth! I tightened my grip on the bottle of ALL and gave it MY all with a mighty swing. The arachnid blocked the shot, kicked me in the gut and gave me a stone cold stunner! Dazed and confuse I struggled to my feet. He slung a web that I deflected with my bottle of ALL. He quickly whipped the bottle out of my hand with his sticky whip and tossed it across the garage. I grabbed the hedge clippers and he grabbed a rake. As the two garden weapons hit, sparks flew into the air. I knew that I was in a fight for my life. I caught the rake between the garden shears and both weapons were discarded to the floor. We circled each other, looking for an opening. I pointed to the corner and shouted, “A FLY!” The spider glanced over and I kicked it in what I think was his spidey balls. He fell to the floor. I stood over him, foot cocked, ready to relieve him of his pain. The SOB caught my foot, spun around and got me a figure four leg-lock!   I was screaming in pain, the pressure on my knees bringing me to tears. He had a smug spidey look on his face as he applied even more pressure. I was able to grab the extension cord that was plugged into the wall and use it to roll myself over onto my stomach, thus reversing the pressure and putting it on my spider foe. It squealed in pain (I think, it may have been me). He finally released the hold and as I gathered my senses I realized that spider from hell ran behind the washing machine! Broken but not beaten I stood, knowing this wasn’t over. I would still have to return to put the clothes in the dryer…I’ll be ready…

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