Popular Categories

He Card Reads Good

@hecardreadsgood @denofthedead

This dating life

I’m a divorced, 40 year old virgin…MAN! Let’s be clear about that. I’ve had the sex. It’s nice. Enjoyable. Even bad sex is still good. Like bad cocaine, it’s still pretty good. Having never done cocaine I can’t back that up. Okay, so what’s my point? My point is don’t do drugs. My other point is, dating sucks.

Do you know why marriage even became a thing? It’s not about starting a family with your soul mate or I dare say not gaining power and money by arranging a union with two families. It’s popular because dating is absolutely horrible! Dating is like going to the dentist, necessary but ultimately inconvenient. (FYI, I love my dentist! Cheap plug for Dr. Ortiz-Castillo! Maybe she’ll take it easy on me at my next check-up;) I feel that our constant involvement with social media and immediate satisfaction from it further complicates the issue. Nobody is willing to do the work anymore. It’s a simple “swipe left or right” mentality. Kind of like renting a movie, if it sucks within the first 10 minutes you move on to the next one. At least watch through the first act people! The old term “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” applies, but now it seems that everyone is constantly looking for the next fish. Probably doesn’t help there’s a dating website called Plenty of Fish…

Let’s face the music (and dance), dating is uncomfortable for all of those involved. Everyone tries to not act like a complete lunatic on the first date or accidentally let it slip that they collect ceramic cats (and then proceed to show you pictures of the ‘good’ ones). We all have our walls up to hide the person that we truly are inside. So that gets you maybe the next date or two and then the other person accidentally discovers your basement torture chamber and gets all ‘weird’ about it. Internet dating has tried to solve this by sort of vetting people, so you fill out the forms, take the quizzes and then through a magical math formula involving pi and the square root of zero they pop out the profiles that you’re the perfect fit for. Yet you’re not. You still lack the human element. The chemistry. When you make a sarcastic joke via text, it doesn’t always hit home. Hence the importance of human interaction…but our society is moving away from this because now there is an app for that. At some point the Apple Watch will probably match you with those nearby that are compatible chemistry-wise based upon your heartbeat, DNA and cholesterol.

Maybe I come off as bitter because I’m not good at the whole dating scene. All of this technology came about during my marriage so the dating scene has radically changed for me. Maybe I said “Hitler was kind of awesome” to a date at dinner. It was a joke. Who would not realize that was joke?

But c’mon, he was kind of awesome…right?

I joke! I make jokes when I’m nervous, but again, that’s who I am. So isn’t that the point? Let my personality out as soon as possible? Why would we dance around whom we are just to get ‘the sex?’ I know there’s many “players” out there that thrive on this awkward scenario just to get the sex. They probably take a lot of ‘selfies’ in the mirror as well.

So where does that leave me? I may not have all of the new tech tools to procure a mate but I won’t give up. There’s someone out there just as confused and awkward as me. Still playing this never-ending game of finding Mr./Mrs. Right. And hopefully they’re super rich with a nice rack.

Kidding! Kinda…

One thought on “This dating life”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *